First Impressions: Griffey Explores Our 1878 Farmhouse

Well folks, we finally brought Griffey to see our "new" 1878 farmhouse for the first time. Armed with the unbridled honesty that only a 10-year-old can deliver, he gave us his unfiltered tour review. Spoiler alert: He was NOT impressed.

The Grand Tour Begins

The tour started off with immediate skepticism. Upon seeing our pool table (which we're planning to sell), Griffey's enthusiasm was already waning. Things only went downhill from there when he discovered that ALL the fireplaces were fake. The betrayal in his voice was palpable.

The Basement of Doom

Nothing says "welcome home" quite like a mysterious trap door in the floor. When I revealed the basement entrance, Griffey's reaction was... well, let's just say he wasn't eager to explore our underground storage situation. The fact that we couldn't immediately find the light switch didn't help matters.

And then there was the ominous sign: "DO NOT UNPLUG THIS CORD."

Griffey: "What does it say?" Me: "Do not unplug this cord." Griffey: "...okay."

(We still don't know what that cord does. We're too scared to find out.)

Upstairs: Where Dreams Go to Die

The upstairs tour revealed what Griffey astutely observed as "short rooms for short people." His bedroom options were met with increasing dismay:

• Room 1: Too small
• Room 2: The floor is "loose" (his words, not mine)
• Room 3: Can't even get to it properly

His verdict? "I thought my room was like three times bigger."

The photos lied, apparently.

The Ultimate Rejection

The crowning moment came when Griffey declared he'd rather sleep in the guest room downstairs. When we explained the guest room wouldn't be ready for a while, his response was swift: "When Nolan goes on a mission, can I have his room?"

Already planning his escape strategy. That's our boy.

The Creaky Floor Symphony

Throughout the tour, the house provided its own soundtrack of creaks, groans, and mysterious floor movements. Griffey helpfully pointed out every single loose floorboard, suspicious spot, and structural concern. Quality control at its finest.

Silver Linings?

The only thing that caught his interest was a dirty chair that "looks like a good chair." Of all the historic charm and architectural details, the kid fixated on a chair we're planning to throw out.

Final Thoughts

While Griffey might not be sold on our farmhouse dream just yet, we're confident he'll come around once we:

• Fix the creaky floors
• Install real fireplaces (just kidding, that's not happening)
• Make the rooms magically bigger
• Figure out what that mysterious cord does
• Generally make it less "haunted house" and more "home"

Until then, we'll be fielding daily requests for room upgrades and dealing with brutally honest architectural critiques from our pint-sized home inspector.

Stay tuned for next week when we actually start making this place livable. Griffey's standards are high, but we're determined to meet them... eventually.