Full Tour of Our 1878 Pioneer Property: 2 Weeks of Renovations

After two weeks of owning our 1878 farmhouse, we've made some "improvements." And by improvements, I mean we've torn things apart and discovered just how much the previous century has not been kind to this place. Come along for the grand tour!

The Living Room: Now With 100% More Dirt

Let's start with our crowning achievement - we've revolutionized the living room by removing that pesky floor. Who needs hardwood when you can have authentic dirt? The floor had a charming 5-inch slope from one side to the other, so naturally, we decided the best solution was to just... remove it entirely.

Current status: Dirt floor. Future status: Level floor (hopefully).

The Kitchen: Where Dreams Meet Reality

The kitchen renovation is going swimmingly. We've discovered that the old laundry room makes a perfect pantry, mainly because we've relocated the washer and dryer to... the bathroom. Yes, you read that correctly. Nothing says "modern living" quite like doing your laundry next to the toilet.

Also featuring:

• A mysterious trap door in the floor (basement access or portal to another dimension?)
• Gas lines for our future pot filler (fancy!)
• Cabinet placement TBD (we're still deciding)

The Stairway to Heaven (Or At Least the Second Floor)

Calling these "stairs" is generous. They're more like a ladder that someone leaned against the wall and said, "Good enough!" Each step is approximately one mile high, perfect for your daily mountain climbing practice.

The Master Suite: Built for Bilbo Baggins

The master bedroom addition features charming details like:

• Doorways that require limbo skills for anyone over 5'8"
• A closet where I have to walk sideways
• Two (TWO!) water heaters taking up valuable space
• A bathroom we're completely gutting because... why not?

The previous owners thoughtfully left the doors at hobbit height because apparently this used to be the exterior wall. Instead of making them taller when they added on, they just... didn't.

The Basement Adventures

Accessed via the trap door (which Griffy definitely didn't want to explore), our basement features:

• Brand new water softener (fancy!)
• Tankless water heater (modern!)
• Half-replaced plumbing (progress!)
• A crawl space that Mom actually crawled into (brave!)
• That mysterious "DO NOT UNPLUG THIS CORD" sign (still plugged in!)

Upstairs: Where Short People Thrive

The upstairs bedrooms are perfect if you enjoy:

• Constantly ducking
• Ceilings that graze your head
• Floors with mysterious cutouts (treasure hunting, anyone?)
• A deck with "character" (aka water damage)

Room assignments:

• Nolan gets the room with the painted murals (by a Manti Temple artist!)
• Murphy gets the room with holes in the floor
• Griffy gets the "newer" attic room where he can actually stand up

The Great Outdoors

Our acre of property comes complete with:

• A log cabin (the original 1878 home where they lived while building the house)
• An operational outhouse (with fresh toilet paper - still in use??)
• Empty chicken coop (with mysterious blood stains)
• Future chicken palace (the good shed)
• Trampoline (successfully negotiated in the purchase)
• No garage (but dreams of a three-car setup)

The Log Cabin Time Machine

The star of the property tour is the original log cabin. This is where the pioneers lived while building our house. Current uses include:

• Storage for things we don't know what to do with
• Potential sleepover spot (Griffy said no)
• Historical monument to simpler times
• Reminder that our ancestors were very, very short

Fun Discoveries

Two weeks in and we've discovered:

• Every door is held shut with skeleton keys and hope
• The fireplaces are all fake (still bitter about this)
• There's a 5-inch slope in what used to be our living room floor
• Metal detecting in the basement has yielded... nothing
• The fruit trees are lovely (silver lining!)

What We've Accomplished So Far

✓ Removed living room floor (achievement unlocked!)
✓ Started plumbing replacement (goodbye, polybutylene!)
✓ Moved laundry to bathroom (efficiency!)
✓ Confused our children about room assignments
✓ Found the outhouse (mystery solved!)
✓ Avoided unplugging the forbidden cord

Coming Soon

• Actual floors (revolutionary concept)
• Kitchen that works
• Bathrooms without bathtubs (we don't take baths)
• Doors tall enough for normal humans
• A garage (someday)
• Chicken palace 2.0

The house may be quirky, the doors may be short, and we may currently have a dirt floor, but hey - we've got character! And tetanus shots. Mostly tetanus shots.

Join us next week when we hopefully have running water again and fewer mysterious holes in the floor!